The Controlling Client
Early in my personal therapy, my analyst used to tell me I was trying to control him. He’d talk about the way I left pointed openings for him to speak. He identified a pattern — how I’d relate events...
View ArticleWhy Free Association is So Difficult
Most people understand what free association means: to voice all thoughts, feelings and ideas that come to mind during a therapy session, without deciding in advance whether they’re relevant or “worth...
View ArticleHow Feelings of Helplessness May Give Rise to Destructive Violence
Reading about Adam Lanza, the Newtown shooter, in today’s New York Times brought to mind Anders Behring Breivik, the Norwegian mass murderer who set off bombs and murdered at least 76 people back in...
View ArticleLying to Our Clients
During several recent sessions, one of my clients has been struggling to make an important decision in her life that’s causing her considerable anguish — whether or not to leave her husband. I don’t...
View ArticleChildhood ADHD: Over-Diagnosed or Under-Treated?
I was planning to write an overview of the recent controversy in this area concerning frequency of childhood ADHD diagnosis and treatment with stimulant medication. This very lively exchange of expert...
View ArticleCinderella: A Tale of Narcissism and Self-Harm
It is with great pleasure that I announce the release of my first work of fiction in over 30 years. While it lacks the imprimatur of a mainstream publisher, I’m nonetheless proud. This re-telling of...
View ArticleMaternal vs Paternal Function: Is There a Difference?
Over the long holiday weekend, we drove cross-country to Colorado where we re-locate for the summer. Although the drive can be grueling (about 26 hours over two days) and it sometimes seems as if...
View ArticleCodependency Issues in Marriage
I received an email earlier this week from a married friend of mine who always signs off, “With love from Natalie and Jeff.” Jeff has never sent me an email nor, as far as I can tell, does Natalie...
View ArticleShould Psychotherapy Be a Judgment-Free Zone?
Many years ago, back when I still lived in Los Angeles, I worked for a brief time with a client who was secretly draining his wife’s inheritance to support their family. He didn’t make personal use of...
View ArticleAntisocial Personality Disorder: The Sociopath Next Door
I’ve been reading The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout — an excellent and yet frustrating book about antisocial personality disorder. Stout’s engaging style and in-depth clinical experience with...
View ArticleJoy in the Psychotherapy Relationship
Naomi, one of my long-term clients and a therapist herself, has been talking in session lately about joy. The importance of joy in the mother-infant relationship, in adult romantic relationships, and...
View ArticleOn Pessimism
I haven’t been posting much lately because I’ve been focused on my book about narcissism, plus I just completed another article for The Atlantic, which you can find here. It’s about bullying as a kind...
View ArticleOn Optimism
Over the course of my practice, I’ve come to know a few men and women who emerged from families so toxic and dysfunctional that I often wondered how they managed to survive, emotionally speaking, and...
View ArticleConstructing the Psychotherapy Narrative
[THIS POST IS A BIT DIFFERENT FROM MY USUAL STYLE; IT'S ADAPTED FROM SOME IDEAS I'M EXPLORING IN MY NEW BOOK ABOUT NARCISSISM] At the beginning of our first session I ask MacKenzie, a 32-year-old...
View ArticleIntolerance and Conformity
I always know when I’ve written something controversial when I receive a number of email un-subscriptions for my blog. I haven’t received one in many months, but this morning, in very short order I...
View ArticleSurfacing
This morning, I completed the first draft of THE NARCISSIST YOU KNOW. The last two months have been a tunnel of intensity, which explains my absence from blogging. I’m proud and relieved to be...
View ArticleA Request for Input
In response to my recent post about The Self-Serving Lie, I had a very interesting email exchange with a site visitor. An intelligent and thoughtful woman, a strong believer in the value of...
View ArticleLos Angeles Radio Interview
UPDATE: Here’s a link to the archived interview, in case anyone wants to listen. As I said on my Facebook page, this was the first time that I felt absolutely no anxiety before a public appearance....
View ArticleThe Up-Regulation of Joy
My client Ari got married this past weekend. Given his family background, and in light of a gloomy prognosis for his future made by a former therapist, it was a major and moving event. And yet, in our...
View ArticleDisappearing Comments
I’m not sure why, but a couple hundred comments (most of them probably spam) have disappeared from the approval queue. I apologize if your comment was deleted before I had a chance to read and approve...
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